Love Don't Come Easy.

I love that song, the oldies are always the best. I mean honestly. I have been really disappointed lately, I have been want to talk to Andrew on the phone, but something always seems to come up. It's beginning to make me think that he doesn't want to talk to me on the phone. I mean he has a lot going on, and he has his own life. I just wish that I could be a little more of a part of it. It makes me so jealous when he talks about the girls and stuff at school that hit on him. It's not like I have a lot to offer him over those girls.

So sometimes I worry just a little bit, a little more now that he told me what he did the other day. I know he was just being honest with me, but it hit me. He said that he used to go from one girl to another, but now he is trying to be committed. That worries me slightly. I mean I want him to want to be with me and talk to me. I mean I know he does, cause he still is. But I just want it to stay that way. Could I be anymore insecure? Honestly.

I need to just get over it, I mean he is with me not someone else. He talks to me, I don't know if he talks to anyone else. But as long as he still wants to be with me I will be happy. I just love him so much, and I couldn't stand losing him. I think my heart would literally shatter if that did. I mean Steph told me the other day that if Andrew ever broke up with me, I had to promise I wouldn't do anything stupid. Who does she think I am. I am not going to go all slit my wrists. But I also don't know how long it would be before I got over it, and I don't want to think about it.

I am not planning on ending it ever, I know what we have is real. I can literally feel it in my heart. Like no other guy that has come before, have I felt about him. I don't expect to feel this way about anyone but him. He is just what I want for the rest of my life and I hope that he feels the same. I would love to spend the rest of my life getting to know every little thing about him. There are things that I would like to change, but I know that everything is give and take.

It can not just be about me, and I realize this now. I guess this song is the most appropriate for what I am currently feeling. I guess sometimes, things just come to you when you least expect them. I now realize that I just need to relax and not sweat the small stuff. That is what it is really all about. Well I guess I will end there, I have gotten it all out and I personally feel better about it.

Love ya,
Ashes