Nothing Else Matters

So today has been the best day so far for me. I think that was overall because I did not have class, and that I have talked to Andrew a lot today. That is what mostly makes me happy is when I talk to him. I don't know sometimes I feel as if he is the only reason I am happy. In some ways I know that is true, I mean I don't really like it here. I am putting on a front so people don't really see that I am unhappy. Steph really likes it here, and I am happy for her. It's just not my cup of tea, so far anyway.

I had my job interview and I hope I get it honestly. I mean I could use the money, and the distraction. I know that will mean less time I get to talk to Andrew. But with a job and with talking to Andrew, I think that I can make it through. I can't wait to see him, and I hope it is soon. That would make things even better, I know this is hard on me. I believe it is probably hard on him too. I can't wait til this year is over, and it has only just begun. That is kind of sad but there is nothing else about it.

Steph broke up with Javon yesterday, which technically I think is a mistake that she is going to regret later on. I mean I know that she wants to do it so she can date someone around here, but what happens when summer does come. She will be in the same position. I mean I know she is jealous of the occurrences that happened to me while on campus, but it's not like I want it to happen. I am really happy with Andrew. I mean I love him so much, I don't even think about other guys but him.

But she is her own person and she is going to do what she feels is best for her. I have to look out for me in these times that I face. I feel like I am facing them alone really. I mean I am afraid to talk to anyone about how I am feeling. I know people care, like my mom and Andrew, and even Steph. But I feel bad talking to anyone else about it, even them cause I don't want to bring them down. I just want to hear that everything is going to be alright and that there is someone there for me is all. I want to know that I am doing the right thing.

I need to know that I have someone on my side, who will be there for me no matter what. But I also want them to automatically know my feelings about this, and that just can't happen. Well I know that someone will know now, even to my immense embarrassment. I just want to know that there is someone who cares about what I have to say, and actually wants to hear me talk to them about things. I guess what I really want is to hear that from another person. *sigh* I just don't know.

I have also been thinking about Halloween and what costume to wear, I want Andrew to come to the costume party with me. But I know he dislikes wearing costumes, so that pretty much eliminates my vision of couples costumes XDDDDDD But I respect him, and what he is comfortable with, just like he respects me and the things that I dislike. I still want him to come with me even if he doesn't dress up. I don't know how to ask him though. I guess this is as good as any. XD I know he wants to read this.

Even though I don't know if I want him knowing about my insecurities and such. I mean I suppose it will bring us closer together, and he can help me through it. But still gah....*blush* There are things that I don't necessarily want him to know I think and feel. If they are about him, or even sometimes not about him. XD But I guess I should just suck it up and deal with it. XDDD Alright I am going to end here. It is kind of long so sorry. Oh and I love you Andrew. Lots and Lots and Lots. And I can't wait to marry you and have your babies someday. Real ones that is. ;)

Love ya,
Ashes